My son was recently reading Dale Carnegie's classic book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Published in 1936, this book has not only stood the test of time but also marked the beginning of the self-help book genre, now worth billions.

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In his fifth principle on leadership, Carnegie spoke of the importance of maintaining a person's pride and dignity - the notion of "saving face". This concept struck me as particularly relevant to the role of a mediator. In the legal field, there are always egos to manage (including my own) and the hierarchical nature of the profession can make this more pronounced (say when mediating between a senior barrister and a more junior solicitor).

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So, how does a mediator best ensure that the parties save face? Everyone's approach is different, but in my experience, especially conducting settlement or shuttle style mediations (as opposed to the facilitative mediations that form the basis of the mediation accreditation training), some effective steps include:

• Although I encourage open and at times robust joint sessions, at the first sign that someone's pride or dignity is becoming frayed, my preference is to segregate the parties.
• When I engage in testing or questioning of positions, it is invariably behind closed doors. Generally, depending on the issues, my preference is to also have these discussions away from clients, in circumstances where most mediations I conduct involve legal representatives. The advice of an experienced mediator remains at the forefront of my mind - never do or say anything that could be seen to jeopardise the professional connection between solicitor and client.
• When I question or test an entrenched position, I endeavour to do so in a questioning and curious manner rather than through what may be perceived as a more full-frontal attack, which heightens egoic defensiveness and can quickly shut down the conversation.

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The concept of saving face is also highly relevant in leadership and the management of people more broadly. In professional services, I often see too much deference paid to this concept, such that (in my view) not enough hard conversations are had addressing performance and improvement. However, when as leaders we do have these conversations, it's critical to be both specific and empathetic. Although I accept that the issue of providing constructive feedback is a comprehensive topic for another day, it’s fair to say that good leaders are always alive to the issue of ‘face’ - the importance of not losing the room, being constructive and not enlivening unnecessary resentment.

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Dale Carnegie had probably never heard of the concept of a mediation when he wrote this trailblazing self-help book in 1936.